Thursday, January 11, 2018

The New Normal

So what is The New Normal of my life?
The reality now and not some embellishment.


Well number one is I'm probably never going to walk again.
I'm okay with that.


Gets me out of driving that's for sure.
I have never liked driving.


But does cut down on what I can do.
And where I can go.


Like anything else in life there are positive and negatives.
No more driving in snow storms make that a huge positive.


I'm also going to need help to do a lot of stuff.
Like getting dressed and stuff I'd rather not talk about.


Okay so what can I do?
I can write Thank God, I can write.


I can be creative with my art.
That's the big one.


I can still design systems infrastructure I just can't implemented it.
It will take longer of course but that's okay.


There is actually a lot I still can do.
So I guess I should get down to doing it.

K.J.K.   01/11/2018

Sunday, October 29, 2017

The Cancer Chronicles - An Anthology Series - Part 3



The Cancer Chronicles
An Anthology Series
Part 3

By Kevin Keyser
2017


So this is Part 3 of the Cancer Chronicles. This is about setbacks, adapting too things you never thought you'd adapt to, such as moving out of your home and then to an skilled nursing home.

I always thought that I'd be able to move back home and take care of myself. I did for a while  but it turned out that was only for a month or two until something unforeseen happened.   

The cancer was still causing problems a couple which had not been seen and would have probably been terminal if the things that had not happened happened. I'll explain best as I can.

Where to begin?  Well a few weeks before things broke down I noticed a weakness that wasn't there before. Did I do anything like report to my oncologist? Of course not!

Then one night I couldn't use my right leg anymore, stuck at home not able to do anything. My sister was there with me as we tried to figure out a game plan finally we both agreed Emergency Services would have to be called.

The Des Plaines Emergency Services Department had become to know me as a regular customer. The same crew chief who met me couple weeks before met me that night. Big old classic fireman. I don't know if his demeanor was put on or not but every time I saw him he calmed me down and said there is nothing they cannot handle and it turned out he was right. Treat your Public Safety people with respect. You never know when you will be in that ambulance slowing people down.

As we turned down Coach Avenue in Des Plaines I didn't have a clue that was going to be the last time I'd see my house except in pictures. The times were a-changin I just didn't know how much at that point in time.

Suffice it to say that once I was in the hospital it was determined that I would have a second surgery on the cancer. It's a good thing we made the decision to do that too. The original reason they haven't cleaned it all out was they wanted to keep some function to the right side. Unfortunately since the function was lost anyway why keep a bunch of cancer in your head?

So I had surgery to clean out the last of the cancer and made arrangements, or I should say had my sister make arrangements to move into the Maryhaven nursing home.

I think the second surgery was harder on me than the first one because it's taken me months to get back cognitively to where I was before. I did have a bad seizure that took my ability to talk away for like a day and a half. That threw with me backwards both emotionally and progress.  

But I am awake now and I'm writing again. I wanted to share part 3 of the cancer Chronicles with you:

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It Isn’t the Jig

Currently I am in rehab again.
The right leg stopped working.
They don’t know why.

We are looking at several options.
Some entail the loss of hearth and home.
Some don’t.

We don’t know yet.
But I still feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.
So I will continue on.

The Lord knows what he wants,
Even if I don’t know.
That’s good enough for me.

K.J.K.  3/11/2017



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So Far

We have come so far and still have miles to walk.
We should be successful.
No matter what is to come.
Thank you for being there.
So I'm just one week away.
From my second surgery.
I wonder if he use a 1/4 or ¾ hole.
I say it will be worth the risk but nothing ever worth doing is easy.
God bless see y'all soon..

K.J.K.  3/20/2017

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So another day is here.

What wonders should I expect.
Dancing fairies ‘round lights.
No I'm sorry Ren Faire is out of town until next year.
I'm sure some Doctor Who helpers are still in town piling in for final Mead or two.
But most of them are onto the next show.
It's time for them to go until next year I will wait to see their pictures taste the mushrooms Laura brings.
Until and then. I shall enjoy this extended lease on life that the Lord has given me and write about it as much as I can.
Blessings to you all.

K.J.K.

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Abode
So, it`s time to move again.
Give up my trailer my, mobile home.
And move into this assisted living nursing home place.

I'm going to miss the satisfaction keeping my own house going.
But the times they are a-changing.
My disability requires help that I can't get at home.

So my family boxes everything up for me.
For donation to Goodwill or other organizations.
But it's alright.

I have a mission.
Or I should say continuing mission.
To document this stuff.

And also to have faith.
Because I still believe in this mission.
And will follow no matter which path it leads me down.


K.J.K.  05/25/17
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It Is Not All Serious.


You would think of  this as all serious:  But you would be wrong.
There is such an outpouring of humility and Humanity here you wouldn't believe it. I've seen caregivers running away over time to finish the person and make sure that they're okay for the day these are the same people who get abused by the same people they don't care is there for a higher purpose.

Many of us talk about God have many have Q places on the premises here what I met everyone has a high belief system whether that's Catholic, Lutheran, New Age stuff they all have that light in their heart and it doesn't matter. so I suppose it is serious cuz I  can't tell you the stories I've been told in confidence but they're funny as heck.

One thing I've learned here is We're All God's Children acting out our parts and that's all good I think that's the only way we learn.

But trust me it's not all serious - there is laughter and it's good and at this point in my life I can't think of any other place I would rather be.

I know the Lord has me here for some reason I'm doing the best to figure out what he wants have a feeling it's just begun. God bless you or light be with you depending on your belief system.

K.J.K.     7/31/2017
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Zen
So Zen, my cat for a year or two:
Sometimes I miss you.
If I could figure out some harebrained scheme to get you in here for a few minutes I would but I can't so We Will Let It Be.
Maybe I was supposed to be the one who would save your butt until those kids grew up a little more.
Kids need animals in their lives.  I don't know why but it is true you can tell your animal things you can't tell no one else. The super secret decoder ring stuff.
So until we meet again take care of yourself.
You big old fuzz bucket you.

K.J.K. 9/09/2017

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Waking up

It feels like I've been asleep several months.
The truth of it is I have been.
The meds they had me on kept putting me to sleep all the time.
It feels good to come out of Dreamland.
So I see that this drug change is working.
Good thing all that stuff about Trump was a dream.
Wait it wasn't?
Back to sleep I go………

K. J. K.   September 12th 2017

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This concludes Part 3.
Look for Part 4 sometime in the future as I'm now caught up to current events.

Friday, March 10, 2017

The Cancer Chronicles - Part 2

The Cancer Chronicles
An Anthology Series
Part 2

By Kevin Keyser
2017









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So this is Part 2 of the Cancer Chronicles. This is about settling in to home, but more about the spiritual and life changes that have occur to all make this work for you.    

So then you get to go home. But it’s different….

The Way and the Willow

I will bend like the Willow tree.
I will not break.

I shall heed the words, unspoken.
Knowing is never as fun as guessing.

I know what I have given up.
Or think I do.

Perhaps I have given up nothing.
All things being equal.

Life is change.
Maybe that is a message?

Change, Kevin.
Adapt and grow.

Spread those wings.
Even though it hurts so much to do so.

The Monster is sitting on the floor;
Smiling at me.

Wants me to give in.
To give up.

No, I won’t.
There is a plan.

There is a path I must walk.
To learn more of the Way.

There is only one thing to do;
Walker in hand I take the first step.
K.J.K.  9/10/2016
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Today Is Tomorrow
The sun is out.
Peeking ‘round the corner.
Like a child playing hide and seek.

Another day.
Another gift to be used.
More lessons to be learned.

Come with me.
So we can be together.
Enjoy this gift.

Blue sky.
Grey sky.
Whatever sky.

It is time to live.
Grasp sunbeams with our bare hands.
Enjoy the wonder of it all.

K.J.K. 9/25/2016
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Pushing Through It
I have to push through this;
The tiredness and the fear.
Sometimes it's hard to remember there is another purpose.

One the drugs can't steal away.
I am a writer, dammit.
I'm supposed to chronicle this journey.

Time to get back to that.
This Mission I'm supposed to be working on.
Without depression and with the best possible of moods.

Hard to do while you're all drugged up.
But God will find a way.
And I will follow.

K.J.K. 10/23/2016

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Love, you have no idea how important it is, until you need it. You always have God’s love, never forget that.

Love

I feel so very loved.
I am no longer going to say I have three families  (Blood, Soul, Church.)
From now on you are all family.

I have realized so much these past few months.
Through tears.
Through laughter.
I have seen miracles.
Large and small.
Felt God’s embrace.

Wrap around me.
Whisper: “I am here.”
I whisper back: “I know.”

I don’t know what the future holds.
But family is love.
And with you and God I will face it.

Love…

K.J.K.  10/25/2016

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Challenges

I have challenges.
The legs sometimes don't work properly.
And other things too

But don't we all have challenges?
One man doesn't have enough to eat.
That's quite a challenge.

Another person considers themselves unloved.
Without seeing that love is all around them.
Waiting to be embraced.

The child sees only a wet sandbox they cannot play in.
But there is a jungle gym right next to them monkey bars and a slide.
For want of a Sandbox the rest are missed.

We don't know what challenges other people have we only know our own.
Frequently we think we are the only ones who have them.
But we are not.

We are all challenged in some way. We have to grow and sometimes that requires challenges.  Scary life changing transformative challenges.

We all have challenges better to learn their lessons. Then turn them loose. Let go of them. The Lord will take care of the rest.

K.J.K. 10-27-2016

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Quiet time.

It's the time of day just before the break of the Sun.
I'd like to say all is quiet with the world but that would be a lie.

I hear the cars rushing by on I-90 and I-294.
The uptick of planes taking off.

They used to say that Vegas was a city that never sleeps.
But now I think it's all cities. Awake and pulsing with energy not all of it very good.

Still it is quieter than normal and I can be alone with my thoughts a little bit.
Before the miasma of the drugs kick in cloud my thoughts.

It's a still and chilly fall morning.
Leaves are falling.

All's right with world.

K.J.K.  10-28-2016
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Rain

I love waking up to rain.
Even 4 a.m. Cold and wet rain.

There is something about rain.
A promise of growth ahead.

Something that no matter how cold it is makes me feel warm inside.
Maybe it's a promise made long ago.

Maybe it's that pot of gold at rainbows end.
Maybe it's just the pitter-patter of the raindrops as they fall around me.

Protected in my house.
Waiting for the marvelous things to happen.

K.J.K.  10/30/2016

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Then There is Peace


I finally got to go to Church today.
For the second time since the tumor was removed.

Waiting for my ride I was nervous.
It’s weird to be so isolated and then find yourself in a group of people.

After arriving all the nervousness melted away.
Like it was never there.

All I felt was comfort.
Happiness and love.

As if Jesus had his arm around me.
Saying “let me be your peace”.

And he is….

K.J.K. 11-27-2016

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This concludes Part 2.

Look for Part 3 in a month or two as it is still playing out.